A recent study showed that scientists are the leading cause of cancer in rats. It is dangerous to have a wet dream under an electric blanket. I went into Cajun country the other day and was told about the loneliest bayou. - It's called Bayou Self.

SheWolf receiving Funnies from the Celestial Jokers

The penalty for bigamy is two mother-in-laws. A Little boy shows his new baby brother to his buddies and says: "He doesn't have any teeth at all, and his words haven't come in yet either. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Bending Weight Loss
Bernie: I think the exercise classes are helping me lose weight.
Vern: What makes you think so ?
Bernie: I can touch my knees without bending the floor.

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I'm Ill
Nikki: I haven't been feeling too well, so I called my acupuncturist.
Mike: What did she say ?
Nikki: Take two safety pins and call me in the morning.

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Bird Doo That ?
A sailor with a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye walked into the barroom and ordered a shot of rum. The bartender gave the sailor the drink on the house and asked "What in the hell happened to you." The sailor wiped his mouth and Explained " A shark bit off part of me leg when we capsized in the Azores, I lost my left hand in a sword fight in Hong Kong and then on the bridge one day a seagull dropped a turd in my eye," The bartender said, " You can't lose your eye because of birdshit." The sailor said, " Well, I'd only had me hook for a week then."

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Legal Minds A man telephoned a law firm and asked to speak to a lawyer. "I'm really in trouble and need some advice fast," he said. "I've saved five hundred dollars. If I pay you that amount, will you answer two questions ?" "Sure," the lawyer replied, "What's your second question ?" Smooth Talker Harry took his date Cutie Pie to Look-Out Mountain to try his luck with the young lady. After makin out a while, he said to her "You want to get in the back seat?" She promptly said "No". He tried a little later with the same refusal. Pouring the romance on even more, he asked her after a long kiss "Oh Baby, You want to get in the back seat?" Again she said no. His horneyness made him ask, "Honey, Why don't you want to get in the back seat ?" And she replied, "Because I want to stay up here with you."

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I bought one of those camouflage shirts and put it in my closet.
Now I can't find it

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What do He do ?
A grade school teacher was asking each student what their parents did for a living. After hearing the usual job titles from several students, she heard from Timmy who stated that his father is a piano player in a whore house. The teacher quickly changed the subject. After school she went to Timmy's house and explained Timmy's response to his father and asked for an explanation. The father said "I'm actually an attorney, But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven year old kid ?"

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None of my socks match, so I'm having all my plants neutered.

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Bad News ?
Queen Hilary Clinton was getting her yearly checkup at the doctor. After her medical tests were finished, her doctor told her that she was pregnant. Hilary couldn't believe it, more hassles. She started to swear and scream and punch and kick.
  Hilary left the office and went to the receptionist and asked to use the phone. Hilary then called the White House to tell King Bill Clinton. Bill came onto the phone and Hilary started to yell at him. "Of All The Trouble we're having, How could you let this Happen ?"
Bill : "Let What happen ?"
Hilary: "I'm Pregnant, you Fool, How could you do this to me ?"
Bill: "Well, umm."
Hilary: "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF ? ?"
Bill: "Uhhh... WHO IS THIS ? ! ? !"

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Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

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Second Thoughts
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You can't even cook a decent breakfast." He said. "You're not worth cookin for !" She yelled. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends so he called home, and the phone rang and rang. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" He demanded. So she said, "Getting a second opinion."

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The man on television told me to say tuned.

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We Don't Discriminate
A man walked into the Pyramid bar with a pet alligator and asked the bartender, 'Do you serve lawyers here ?' 'Sure do' replied the bartender. 'Good', said the man. 'Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my gator.'

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