Never go to a Doctor whose office plants have died. Never Giggle When You Can Laugh ! Dont Hold Back - Let Go A Real Hoot Howler Laugh OUT of MY MIND Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? Never grow up completely, because that is when you start getting to old to have fun. Blind Skydivers Why don't blind people skydive? Because It scares the hell out of their dogs! • Never Speak ill of yourself, your friends will always take care of that for you. The French Idiot One day, a beautiful women was sitting in a small french cafe when an Idiot came up. He said to her , "Can I buy you a drink?" She says, "Sure, but you can't sleep with me" Dissapointed by the answer the Idiot asks, "But why?" She replies,"Because I'm a lesbian." Thinking about it for a moment, the Idiot ponders, "So what if you have a different religion?" The lesbian says,"Don't you know what a lesbian is?" "No, what is a lesbian?" the Idiot answers bluntly. "Well, see that gorgeous women over there? Well, I want to go over there, ask her out and end up having wonderful sex with her all night long." Then the Idiot drops to the floor and starts sobbing and crying. The lesbain asks, "What is your problem?" The Idiot replies, "I think I'm a lesbian too!" • Don't just Do something, Sit there !   60 Seconds Her Mother decided Doris had been attending the First Grade of school long enough to answer a few simple questions. So she began with, "Tell me, dear, how long is a minute ?" "Which kind do you mean ?" asked her intelligent daughter. "A real minute... or a 'wait-a-minute' ?" • Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry. . Death Row A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are all on death row. The brunette is taken into the execution room. The executioner asks her if she has any last words. She said no. He aims the gun at her and then she yells "Look Out, Tornado!" And everyone runs away and she escapes. The redhead is taken into the room and asked if she has any last words. She says no. The executioner points the gun at her and then she screams "Hurracaine !" Everyone runs and she escapes too. The blonde is taken into the room and asked if she has any last words. She says no. The executioner points the gun at her and then she yells "FIRE !". • Enjoy the Journey, Stale work is renewed by Fresh Play. Lone Ranger and Tonto The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out riding the range. After they reached a meadow, Tonto climbed down from his horse and put his ear to the ground. Tonto said "Buffalo coming!" The Lone Ranger replied "How do you know?" Tonto Replied " Ear stick to ground." • Never get a Mime talking. If you do he'll never stop.  --Marcel Marceau ( mime ) Keeping Up wit the News There were two Drunks in a Bar watching the news, and the Headline Story comes up. It's about a man who is going to jump off of a building. One Drunk bets the other $20.00 that the man will jump, "No Way he'll jump, I'll take that bet" The other says. About a minute later the man jumps. The Losing Drunk starts to get the money out but the winner says "Naaa, Keep the money, because I saw the news earlier and I knew that the man would jump." Then the loser says " No, that's okay because I saw the news before too, and I saw the guy jump, but I didn't think he would do it again. HOME   SIGNS   JUNK JOKES   MEN & WOMEN   DICTIONARY