For Makin' This Web Site, They Can Put Me In Prison,
But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out !
| Hay, those Word Spell Check Programs sure are Something ! Eye have a spelling checker Ewe should have one two, It came width my PC; The marks are very plane, Four me to no ore revue Mistakes I cannot sea. I've run this poem threw it, I'm sure yore pleased too no It's letter perfect in every weigh. My Spell Checker tolled me sew. This IS as bad as you think ! |
"Ow !" is the first word spoken by children with older siblings KIDS A Mother has to constantly keep after her 6 year old son to do his chores. One afternoon she asked him, "Honey, did you put water in the goldfish bowl ?" "Nope." the son replied, "They didn't finish drinking what I gave them yesterday." Downsizing When the Clans of long ago wanted to get rid of their unwanted people (like us), without killing them. They used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired." Explain in detail the following: • Why are we posting jokes on the Internet anyway ? • What is funny ? • Why do farts smell ? |
We Decided to call our Dog Egypt . . 
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There is nothing worse than some bore who always has to tell a story exactly the way it happened. No one cares. People want to be amused by a good story. Exaggerate ! Exaggerating makes all stories better, Exaggerators aren't liars, they're just entertaining personalities - "Story Tellers" And always stay away from video cameras and people who film or tape every event and family gathering. Video cameras are the curse of the exaggerator. Few can embellish a story when confronted with the facts right in front of them on someones TV, The best stories are always the ones that we exaggerate. Even if there is something funny on the video tape - It would have been 10 times as Funny when told by a half decent exaggerator. A good exagerator could have killed with laughter. The exaggerator will never be considered a bore. TIP : Practice, practice, practice - Remember - Exaggerating makes our lives more creative and inventive without costing any money |
 It's because I have Fat Thighs isn't it ? |
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Do you cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued. A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that ?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson Mother: "How's your history paper coming ?" Son: "Well, my history teacher suggested that I use the Internet for research and so far, it's been very helpful." Mother: "Really ?" Son: "Yea ! So far I've located 117 people who sell them." Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark or name on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." Tech Rep: "Oh That's your CD-ROM player and cup-holder, but you're not supposed to put more than a 12 ounce beer on it." |
You should scan for these Computer Viruses AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer system. GALLUP POLL VIRUS Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. HEALTH CARE VIRUS Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $1,117. PAUL REVERE VIRUS This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C. PBS VIRUS Your programs stop every few minutes to ask you for a pledge of more memory. STAR TREK VIRUS Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. TEXAS VIRUS Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. |