This was going to be called " Funny Quotes " but Many of these are just plain STUPID.
Fortuneatly these were recorded for History.
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. --Johnny Carson
He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato
I hate quotations. --Ralph Waldo Emerson
I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job. --George Bush
What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind. How true that is. --Dan Quayle
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin
Public opinion in this country is everything. -- Abraham Lincoln
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
I know there are some who beleive the government is inefficient and should be changed, but I think the chief cause of problems around here are the solutions. --Gerald Ford
Sex on television can't hurt you, , unless you fall off. --Homer Simpson
They X-Rayed my head and found nothing. --Jerome "Dizzy" Dean
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ...
--Carl Zwanzig
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? --John Mendoza
It takes a long time to understand nothing. . --Edward Dahjberg
Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else. . --Dagwood Bumstead
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead.
-- Sue Kolinsky
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.. --H.L. Mencken
I can resist anything except temptation. -- Oscar Wilde
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
-- George Gobel
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